Getting back to the basics

Here we are, my first blog post.  These last few months have been a total trip.  From the moment Heidi asked me to take over, to sitting here now, writing this, it has all just been unbelievable. 

In this new dimension of my life, and actively looking for new participants as well as donors I switched up my TikTok account from posting meaningless, funny filters to actually talking about Ohana Oasis.  With that came the opportunity to talk about my son, Billy.  In particular today I posted about the day he died.  I have to be honest; I haven’t allowed myself to go there for a long time.  To that day, to those moments.  They seem like a lifetime ago, but yet when I allowed myself to open that door the pain was almost as intense as it was that day.  It made me start to question the point, to question if that was the correct path to head down.  It also made me realize how desperately I need to take a moment to honor my grief.  How I probably in all the excitement of the changes and the new upcoming responsibilities that I had neglected allowing myself to sit in the feelings, allowing the emotions to play out naturally and not having to stuff it down, because it isn’t the “right time”. 

Taking care of ourselves through grief is always important, no matter the timeline.  How do you do that for yourself?  Sometimes for me it may look like laying in bed all day watching mindless movies.  Maybe a trip to the spa or lunch with friends.  Maybe having time with just my husband without the day-to-day responsibilities creeping in.  It could even be a day in the kitchen cooking my favorites. 

I have always been amazed when I am talking to other grieving parents how little time, we take for ourselves.  I wish I had a great answer about why that is, but I truly do not know.